We got so high we made milksteak
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
areolas are like halos for boobs.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Randomize
