It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Randomize
