I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
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