wat bout pragnant strippers??
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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