when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
