The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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