I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize