He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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