My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Randomize
