I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
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