Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
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