True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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