The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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