just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Randomize
