Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Small penises have feelings too.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
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