Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
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