Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Ketchup is God's man juice
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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