Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
then he tried to convert me to islam
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
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