Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
