i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
