I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
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