i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
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