Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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