my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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