I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
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Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Randomize