Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
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