the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
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