When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
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