dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
