Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
