she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
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