I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
