Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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