You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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