I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Randomize
