we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
he fucked my hip out of place.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Randomize
