I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I have feelings that need drinking.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Randomize
