After last night, I could never be a politician.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
whose parrot is this?
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
