when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
