I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
