If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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