Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Randomize
