I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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