Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
not ubering you a puppy
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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