you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
