I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
