i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
