afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
