Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I think my moral compass just broke
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