Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Randomize
