This girl is more easily done than said...
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
