Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
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