I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
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