She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
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