oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
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