I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
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