There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
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He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
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