I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
