The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
i just sent this text using only my big toe
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
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