im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
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