Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Randomize
