ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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