then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
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