the new term for farting is butt boxing.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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