Plan B is the new Plan A
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
