i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
