I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
