don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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