I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
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Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
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Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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