apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Randomize
