He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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