Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize
