Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
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